Exclusively
by gypsysfeather
Summary: Tom and Trina promised to be exclusive, leaving their swinging behind them, once they decided to keep the baby. But now, things got changed and turned upside down, and Trina is having second thoughts...while Tom is not. [Rated M for suggestive content]
1. Chapter 1

"I'm glad we decided to stay exclusive."

That's the choice of words Tom uses, coddling his other half in his arms at almost two in the morning. It doesn't settle well with Trina, she's already uneasy from the slight bit of pain this night put her through. For Tom's sake, she doesn't say anything about it, but doesn't say much of anything at all.

Instead, she shimmies out of his arms casually and turns to her back, her hands resting on her stomach. "Well, it won't be forever, right?" She asks, looking down once more, making sure she's not living a horrible nightmare. Once more, checking to see if her little, slight bump is gone. Once more, making sure this is truly her reality.

"We said we would stay exclusive forever after the baby." He replies, trying to touch her again, trying to hold her hand or her arm...something. Something to connect with her. She knows that he just wants to be next to her like old times, but this feeling isn't like old times.

She sits up, putting a nightgown on that had been pushed off of the bed. "That was before my _inhospitable uterus_ ," She says, quoting the doctor's exact words, "Decided we didn't need a baby, Tom." She says dryly, fixing her nightgown to cover everything up. Never had she felt so conscious of her body until after the baby mishap.

He sits up, clearly wondering what must be going through her head. Wondering if he even wants to know what's going through her head, or if he should just leave it alone. She feels him staring at her, doing that thing he does when he's trying to figure her out. After almost four years of marriage to the her, he should know by now that he's not ever going to figure her out.

Her tongue feels like cotton residing in her mouth. "I need to go get a water."

"Let me." Tom say hastily, snapping from his thoughts and pushing himself up off of the bed, his feet hitting the floor quickly and heavily.

She perks her head up, confusion written across her face. _Why must he have to do everything for me? I lost a child, I'm not disabled. It's not even the first time this has ever happened._

This has been happening for the past month. He is constantly by her side, waiting on her hand and foot. It's brought tension due to the nature of the situation, but also because when she married Tom, she told him she was independent and didn't need someone waiting on her. Now, he won't leave her alone.

He thinks he's helping her, she knows that. But, he also knows how she feels about being helped too much.

Nonetheless, she lets him go get the water for her. She lets him because she doesn't want to start an argument at two in the morning, she just wants to go to sleep and stay asleep...for a long, few days.

She lays down again, making sure her nightgown is covering everything. Four years ago, she never would've slept with a nightgown on. Or clothes, for that matter. Even a year ago, she was rarely in clothes at bedtime.

The baby changed everything.

Often, she spent her nights wondering what the sex of the baby was instead of sleeping. She would see scenarios in her head, planning out what _could have_ happened if only her body would've accepted her being pregnant.

" _I'm pregnant." She paused, looking past him for a moment at the tiki torches lining the, now, quiet beach. "I know that we decided that this-" She paused, shrugging one shoulder. "...Children...is not what we want." She said, finding it harder than ever to spit her words out to him. "So I...already know what I need to do."_

That night that she told Tom also replays in her mind, over and over, like a broken record. She should've left it there, instead of going on to say that she felt she should tell him. She shouldn't have ever told him in the first place. He wouldn't have ever considered the baby, and she would've aborted like she's done before.

This could've been prevented, and had a lot less heartache in the end.

…

…

"I'm going to be fine, Tom." She says, looking him straight into the eye, telling him a lie that she knows he'll figure out. "It's not like I'm not used to you going to Japan by now. I'm fine."

She's not fine. She's been in bed for the past two days. Her hair is beginning to look awful, and he doesn't really even want to sleep beside her. Her mind keeps going back to _that_ day, when she woke up in a pool of blood.

"Susan is here again. She brought you a casserole." He says, defeated. With that statement, she knows that for now he's given up arguing with her. Her heart doesn't feel as sunken down.

She looks down her arm and away, sipping her water slowly. "Tell Susan she can shove it up her ass." She snaps dryly, not picking her head up to see Tom's reaction, instead setting her glass down and returning to the book she was reading before Tom interrupted her. She's not really reading, her mind is buzzing too much right now with the thought of Susan, but she wants Tom to believe that she's reading so maybe he'll get the hint and leave her alone.

Susan...Susan is the real reason she's experiencing this horrible, disgusting depression. Susan is the one that talked her into telling Tom in the first place, that Labor Day on the beach. She's the one that is going to get the blame for all of this.

"Tri..." Tom pleads, but just lets his voice trail off. He knows that there's no changing that stubborn woman.

Once she hears him make his way back down to the front door where he had left Susan standing with her casserole, she opens the drawer beside her bed and pulls out a little piece of black and white paper.

The doctor's office they went to for the three month check-up believed in using ultrasound machines. (Some days she wonders if it's the ultrasound that killed her baby. There are so many debates out there about those things…). Because they had believed in these machines for a while, and used them as soon as they became available in the States, they had the top of the line equipment. Which also meant that Trina and Tom got to have a picture of the little peanut growing inside of her.

Who would've guessed that two months later, her body would reject the changes and stop the process entirely?

She pulls the photo out often, only when Tom is gone. She can't stand him seeing her like this.

He took time off of work to be with her, even. She'd been counting down the days until tpday, when he's back on the flight to Japan...something she never would've been doing six months ago.

But six months ago, the grass was green, there was no snow on the ground, the beaches were full, and Trina and Tom were having their best year of marriage yet. Now, there's a outrageous amount of snow, and their relationship has never been worse.

Her thumb swipes over the pixeled image of the little peanut sized baby that had been growing inside of her. It wasn't the first time she'd ever experienced losing a baby. She terminated once with Luke, and again one other time with Tom. She never told either men about the experiences. She also lost one with Tom, but he found out about that one. They agreed to not talk about it, and let her handle it on her own.

But that was back when they were dating, back when Tom didn't act like he owned her. He never acted this way until that morning she woke up, and her world was immediately altered.

This baby, though, was different. They talked about this baby. They both got equally ready to have this baby. They were tossing around girl names and boy names...Lucy for a girl, Kenny for a boy. They started looking at cribs, they cleaned the spare room out to prepare a nursery, they were doing everything that real parents should do to prepare for an abundantly loved baby.

Friends were beginning to prepare baby showers, Janet was in the middle of crocheting a baby blanket filled with beautiful colors, Susan's daughter Laurie was buying books for Trina to read to the child after he or she was born.

Baby books were being read, parenting books, and nursery magazines.

All of the preparation was happening, and then just like that, everything came to a screeching halt.

Janet's blanket for the baby turned into a lap blanket for an elderly person at the care home down the road, Laurie's books were being donated to the local library, and the baby books and nursery magazines were being left underneath the coffee table, where Tom tried to hide them. (Which didn't work...Trina still found them and cried over them while he was at the grocery store).

Never has she been this emotional, either. One moment she's upset because of the baby, like now while she's rubbing her thumb over this precious baby's morphed photo. In a few minutes, she'll be incredibly mad at herself for not being able to house this baby properly in her body.

She was ready. Tom was ready. They decided they could be parents, and maybe they even wanted to be. It was as though fate dangled something in front of them, and they were so close to grabbing it before they stumbled and missed it.

"Alright," Tom's voice pulls her out of her day dream. She shoves the picture quickly, but carefully, back into the drawer and shuts it as quietly as possible. "I'm off..." He says, buttoning the last button on his shirt. "You promise me you're okay?"

She knows what he must be thinking. He's hidden all the razors, all the sharp knives. He's ridiculous for thinking she would actually consider her own death in all of this. "I'm fine, Tom. I'd be sitting her if you were here, and I'll be sitting here when you aren't." She says, finally looking up at him from having her eyes pointed down, watching her fingers pick at her nails. "Call me when you get there, okay?" She says.

Through all of this, she hasn't stopped loving him any less than she ever has. He's just on her nerves more, and she just doesn't show it even more than before.

"Okay." He answers quietly, grabbing his hat and putting it underneath his arm before leaning down on the bed and kissing her lips. "Please remember that I love you, Tri. I know this wasn't what we wanted, but we didn't think we wanted a baby either. Sometimes things happen for reasons we don't understand. I don't understand it either, I'm..." He pauses and shuts his eyes, sighing as he tries to find the appropriate words. "I'm torn up about this, too. I'm not saying my pain is the same is yours, but it's hard for me too. I wanted this, but now all I really want is for my wife to stop lying to me and telling me she's okay when I _know_ she's not." He whispers, his tone dropping and his eyes softening.

She feels tears sting her eyes, but she refuses to let them fall. "I can't not lie to you, Tom. If I tell you the truth you'll just feel even worse. So please, try...just try to forget about everything at home for the length of your trip. Take the pressure off. Go sleep with someone new." She says, giving him the permission.

He shakes his head. "I want to stay exclusive..." He admits. She had gotten the hint the other day when he was talking about how glad he was they were exclusive again, but she didn't think he really meant it. "I like just being with you. We're getting older anyway...less people our age..." He says.

She looks down at her book, annoyed that he reminded her of that again. She's younger than him, she can still play with the best. He on the other hand, must feel that isn't true after the baby.

She pulls her robe around her tighter and nods, "Okay." She says, even though her mind is thinking other things. She's becoming very experienced at lying to her husband.

He presses a kiss to her lips one more time before leaving the room, giving her a soft _I love you_ before he exits the doorway.

When she hears the front door shut and his car engine start, she opens the drawer again and grabs the newspaper from it, opens it to the classifieds, and finds the job she circled.

 ** _-MIDWAY AIRLINES-_**

 ** _-NOW HIRING-_**

 _-LOOKING FOR EXPERIENCED FLIGHT STEWARDESS'-_

 _-PLEASE VISIT THE OFFICE BEFORE 02/01/1977 FOR AN APPLICATION-_

If Tom could use work to clear his mind, she should be able to, too.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N:_

 _Hi guys! It was like 3 AM when I finished the first chapter so I didn't write an author note like usual. Anyway..._

 _I'm very glad to be back to writing again! If you haven't read my other Swingtown story, "Before the Deckers", I strongly suggest it. This story has a lot of lead offs from that. Before the Deckers is my view on what happened before the show, how they came together, and it ends when they get married. So this story uses a lot of stuff from that one. I wouldn't really call this a sequel to BTD, but it's close!_

 _Also, I wrote this chapter, had it alllllll finished, and bam. My computer shuts down randomly and my document wouldn't recover. I had to rewrite it all. I hope you enjoy it an extra lot now._

 _Thanks for reading,_

 _G._

 ** _..._**

 ** _..._**

Tom's second trip away since everything happened began yesterday, and Trina couldn't be more happy about it. She was ready to have him out of her hair for a while, and also ready to have her interview from Midway.

They called last Friday, before Tom got home from work. She immediately cheered up a bit then, and is still relatively excited about it as of now.

She looks at herself in the mirror. For the first time, she isn't checking to make sure her bump isn't still there. She isn't checking to make sure it was all just a dream. Right now, it's not the first thing on her mind. She tugs at her blazer a bit, biting her lip as she studies her look: a light orange skirt, almost a pastel color, a white tank top and a white blazer over it, buttoned to her bosom. She isn't checking to make sure her breasts are completely covered. She's showing cleavage. Both are things she hasn't done in a month.

Turning around and checking the clock, she's figuring in her head how long she has at her nail appointment before her interview. Four hours is plenty, and to get a quick bite to eat.

She walks to their closet, wading through the clothes to get all the way to the back. She hasn't worn these heels in way too long, not since she quit being a stewardess in the first place.

When she quit, she never imagined their lives to be how it is now. By then, they were still actively swinging. But she never expected them to have gotten pregnant, and to actually be wanting the child. For a moment, as she puts her high heel on her foot, she feels a deep sadness and maybe a bit of regret in the pit of her stomach.  
If she wouldn't have quit, would they have even gone through with wanting the child? Probably not. She never should've quit the airline. Things would be so different if she was still getting up everyday, looking her best, and serving drinks to people, helping with their bags, and complaining about her wages.

She shakes those pesky thoughts from her head, putting the other heel on before making her way out of the closet.

The phone is ringing beside the bed, she wonders who the hell it could be. Not Tom, surely, unless something is wrong. It would be 1:00 AM there, since it's almost eleven in the morning here. He shouldn't be calling her that late. The only reason he used to call that late was for some dirty talk or -

Her thoughts cut themselves off. What if he's asking for permission? Permission to have sex?

"Hello?" She answers finally, closing her eyes and resting her hand on her stomach.

"Trina?"

Sylvia Davis. Her voice was a relief to Trina. "Sylvia...hi." She says, trying to not sound too relieved or she would have to tell Sylvia what she thought was going on. "I was just about to step out of the house for a while, I'm glad you called before I did."

"I am too, then. Hey, I heard about-"

"If you tell me you heard I was pregnant, don't say it." Trina says dryly. She knows she hasn't called and told Sylvia anything. It's not like they're close friends or anything. "I lost the baby. So I'd rather not talk about that."

There's a silence on the other end of the phone, maybe some whispering, too. Finally, the phone rustles and Sylvia clears her throat. "Oh." She says. "Brad was doing a study on pregnancy and sex...and he was going to call you and Tom over so that he could learn some things first hand."

Now it's Trina's turn to be silent. Hurt...that's how she feels. Is that all she could be used for anymore? Sex? She used to feel that way sometimes with Luke, but never like this to other people that she wasn't in a relationship with. "Goodbye Sylvia..." She says before hanging up the phone.

She feels the need to start crying, but instead she just looks away from the phone, from that fresh, bad memory. Walking to the mirror, she's suddenly self conscious again, fixing her hair and her blazer, making sure that her tank top is pulled all the way up to not show much cleavage. She takes one last look in the mirror, afraid she's never going to be able to be anything but a sex toy.

…

…

"Mrs. Decker?"

Laurie's voice makes Trina's head pull up from looking at her fresh nails, waiting for her food to be delivered. She forces a small smile, "Hi Laurie..." She says softly, trying to resist the urge to be rude and just tell Laurie to go somewhere else.

Laurie looks over Trina's table, "Is anyone here with you?" She asks.

Bitterness brews in Trina's stomach. No, because I have no baby now so I'm thoroughly alone when I'm by myself. She knows that's not how Laurie meant it, but it still isn't keeping her from thinking that. "No, are you here by yourself?"

"Yeah." She says, and by the way she says it, Trina knows there's something she wants to talk about. So she decides to be nice today, and nods to the empty chair for Laurie to sit down. When she does almost immediately, Trina checks the clock on the wall, wondering if this is a conversation that will make her late for her interview. "Um...so you know how I'm dating Doug Stephens, right?" She asks after getting settled into her seat.

Trina nods softly, "Yes. Your mother has told me...all about it." She says, crossing her arms and resting them on the table. "Why? You two aren't broken up, are you? That would make me very disappointed to know that your mother would be happy over that."

Laurie shakes her head, cracking a small little smile. "No, not at all..." She says, "We're still together, and happy...I think. I know I am, at least...happy. But school started back, of course...this is my last year in high school. I um...I want to make sure I don't lose him." She admits.

She tilts her head, furrowing her brows slightly. "Lose him? Are you going off to college?"

"No," Laurie answers, shaking her head again, "I'm going to one in town. Not the community college, but the better one." She says. "So I'm not worried about physically losing him. I just...he's older. I know you fell in love with an older man. So...how did you keep him always interested once the charm of him dating a younger woman wore off?"

Trina huffs, kind of a laugh, kind of a scoff. "I don't know if it ever has worn off with Tom until after all this happened." She murmurs, not even sure if Laurie truly heard her. "But...you shouldn't have to keep finding ways to intrigue him, honey. If he wants to be with you, he'll stay. If not, he'll leave."

As she's speaking, she's reminding herself of Tom's late mother, Mel. She was her nail tech, and coincidentally the mother of the man she hated and wanted to never speak to again. From there, Mel told her to never be involved with Tom Decker, that he'll only break her heart. But she was the one to walk Trina down the aisle, and just a year later, Mel passed away in her home. Mel gave her so much wisdom, and maybe Trina can do the same for Laurie.

"But I don't want it to be my fault that he leaves. You know, sexually, I want to keep him interested."

"Oh," Trina pauses, fixing her napkin, "This is a conversation about that, not about day life. Right?" She says, catching on now.

Laurie nods, "Right. I don't think he'd be the kind of person to leave me, but I don't want him to get bored with our sex life. When we first started dating and doing that stuff, I think it was kind of a thrill for him to be with a younger woman. Now, though, I don't know if that thrill is still there. It takes him longer..." She says, letting her voice trail, deciding she shouldn't give all the details.

Something Trina was actually kind of thankful for. "Well, Tom never really lost interest in that aspect of our life. We kept changing things up, keeping things new and fresh. Doing the same stuff every night...or day, whichever...gets boring to anyone after a while. For men, that time is shorter than for women, because women usually can focus on things longer." She explains.

"I just...I want to make sure I'm doing everything I can in that aspect to keep him." Laurie says.

Trina settles in her seat, getting more comfortable. "Wake him up in the mornings with something... _exciting_." She says, shrugging her shoulders at the word. "Surprise him. Do something new...and he should be doing the same for you as well."

Laurie shrugs, "He would, but I think he thinks of us as being...like...taboo." She says, tilting her head a bit.

Trina frowns, "Taboo? Some people just..." She pauses and sighs, thinking back to how many people disowned her for the lifestyle she chose to live with Tom. "Some people think every little thing is taboo, Laurie. He's twenty-five, you're eighteen. It's not like it's a big deal."

"He's my teacher, still..." She says.

"I thought he was only going to be your teacher over the summer?"

She shakes her head, "He got a job at the high school teaching philosophy for an extra credit. And...I'm an over-achiever." She says guiltily, grinning a little.

Trina laughs and looks down, "Well, it's not taboo. Let people think what they want to think, it's your lives and you two need to live it however the hell you want."

She nods softly, and after a moment she asks, "Have you ordered yet?"

Just as she finishes that question, the waitress comes up and asks for their order. Trina smiles, "You can order first."

…

…

"Good luck with your interview today, Mrs. Decker. Even though you don't really need the luck." Laurie says, standing outside beside her bicycle.

Trina lets out a short laugh, "Oh believe me, I could use it." She says, feeling uneasy and nervous about it. It's been a long time since she's had to have an interview.

Once she finally got her dream job being a stewardess, she didn't have to have all the crappy interviews from restaurants and retail stores. She got the one interview at Pan-Am and never had to have another.

"Thank you for letting me talk to you today, too." Laurie says.

"Any time." Trina replies, "You can come over and talk to me whenever. You know where I live." She says, laughing a little.

After they say their final goodbyes, Trina gets into her car and turns it on. She sits there for a few moments with her hands on the steering wheel, letting out a shaky breath.

She was never this nervous for anything. Ever. Maybe she feels nerves because of the fact that she's keeping this from Tom, or maybe she feels nerves just because she's never had to do this kind of professional interview except for once, and she got lucky then.

…

…

"Rex?" Trina says, a bit of surprise on her face as she opens the door to the office where three men were waiting for her.

Rex smiles and stands up, "There she is!" He says happily, just like an old friend would. He hugs her and turns to present her to the other two. "Mr. Nelson, Mr. Harper, this is Trina Decker, the woman I was telling you about."

Trina feels her face redden from a little bit of embarrassment. He was telling them about her? This could be in her favor due to the fact that they worked together, or this could hurt her...due to the fact that he obviously knows her lifestyle firsthand.

One of the men stand. He was large around, but relatively short. He has a white beard that goes halfway down his neck, and a perfectly shaped mustache that ends where his beard begins. He wears glasses, and she thinks to herself that he may look like a badass version of Santa Claus without them. "Hello Trina, I'm Hank Nelson, President and CEO of Midway Airlines. It's great to finally meet you." He says. His white suit was perfectly tailored to him, and she knew why now. He can afford anything.

She smiles, says that it's good to meet him too, being polite like anyone would.

The other, very well chiseled man stands as Mr. Nelson sits down, "I'm Neal Harper, General Manager of Midway Airlines and co-pilot on the Atlanta route." He says, extending a hand to shake. He wore a dark blue suit, also tailored perfectly to his large muscles. She wonders what they would look like without the suit. He has dark hair, a clean-shaven face, and gorgeous blue eyes that were staring into hers so intently.

"Hi, Mr. Harper." She says, her voice barely coming out as she shakes his hand. She feels like she's melting into a puddle underneath him.

She hasn't felt this way in a long time. The last time she felt this was when she first brought coffee to Tom's pilot cab on her first day with the Miami route. She felt like a puddle then, and feels like it now again.

"I told them you didn't even need to come in for the interview, that I knew you and you'd be perfect for this job. So you're already hired." Rex says, making Trina's mouth drop a bit in shock.

Shock, and happiness. She had no reason to be so nervous anymore. "Well, thank you very much, Rex. I don't know if I'm all _that_ , but I appreciate your kind words about me..." She says.

"Go ahead and sit down," Rex says, suggesting the chair behind her. "You probably have some questions and they're here to answer them." He says, flashing a smile at her.

She sits down, and her mind is buzzing. Mostly buzzing to the last time she saw Rex. It was last June, after a house party. He owed her a favor after that night, because she and Tom let him come inside of her. She was on birth control, she knew nothing would happen, but Tom had too much jealousy brewing at the time to just give such a privilege away. This was probably the favor he owed her.

She crosses her legs, but notices Neal staring at them, so she pulls them back down and crosses her legs at her ankles instead. "Well, I do have a few questions." She says, trying to get comfortable. That orange excuse for a cushion on this hard, wooden chair wasn't doing much. "When did you start working here, Rex?" She asks. It really wasn't the most important question, but it popped up to her mind first.

Rex smiles, "Five months ago, when Pan-Am went with the Tokyo route. When Tom took that job, they gave me another pilot and it just wasn't the same. I requested for a different route and they could only give me international ones, and I'm not into that. Midway mostly flies in the States." He explains.

She nods softly, attempting to shift and get comfortable again. Tom didn't tell her Rex quit. But, that was five months ago. The baby was the on their minds, then. That was when she first told Tom, when their world got flipped completely upside down. So, she understands that Rex probably wasn't the first thought on his mind when he got home from work. "Would I have to do overnight routes? As you know, my husband flies the Tokyo route and is away usually three days out of the week. When he's home, I'd like to be home."

As soon as she says that, she regrets it. Neal's face drops a bit, and he shifts uncomfortably in his seat. She also regrets it because it's a stretch. She's wanting this job because she wants to be away from him a bit, wanting her own life again. They spend too much time together right now, and it's hard on their relationship.

Mr. Nelson nods, "You would, but not every night. We can work something out. Rex told us we should try to accommodate your schedule as much as possible...he says you're a keeper."

Trina laughs shyly, "Like I said, I don't know if I'm all that, but thank you, Rex." She says to him. He nods a bit, giving her a grin. This was definitely his favor for her.

"You'll be on the Atlanta route with Rex. Neal is the co-pilot on that flight, so you've now met your two pilots." Mr. Nelson says, nodding toward each of them.

She looks at Neal and tries to not melt again. She tries hard, but it happens once more. He stares so intently into her eyes, how could she not just form a puddle?

"Did you have anymore questions, Trina?" Neal asks, and she shakes her head.

"I think that was it." That's a lie. She has a whole notebook of questions that she prepared in her car while she was waiting. It's sitting right there by her foot, but she ignores it. It's not like she could really hear the answers properly with Neal sitting right there.

They all stand up and Trina follows suit, "Thank you for coming in today, Trina. I look forward to working with you." Mr. Nelson says, shaking her hand one more time.

As she leaves, she realizes that her legs are wobbly, her heart is pounding, and she's got a slight puddle between her legs. She has a feeling that Mr. Neal Harper was going to be on her mind a lot more than Mr. Tom Decker was.

"Trina..." She hears a voice call out as she sits down in her car, about to close the door. It was Rex, and he was running to try to catch up. She looks back and smiles at him when he gets to her door. "Was that a good enough favor?" He asks with a bit of a grin.

She smirks at him, "Good enough. Hey, let's keep this a secret for a while, though, okay? Tom doesn't exactly know I was coming today..." She says to him.

Rex widens his eyes. "Troubles in paradise?"

She shrugs, "Tensions have been high lately. For reasons I'd rather not explain. But main thing is, we're exclusive now...so that means nothing exciting like I have a feeling you were hoping for."

Rex's shoulders fall a little, but he shrugs it off. "I guess last summer was a good enough time to end on, then." He says and smiles. "See you later, Tri."

As he walks away, she wonders how the hell she's going to stay exclusive with Rex _and_ Neal on the same flights and in the same hotels as well.


End file.
